I'm 35 and a half years old, meaning that my biological clock is ticking. And now, since we set a date for the wedding, a lot of people are assuming that a baby will be next. I find comments like these slightly inappropriate. Think about it: a pregnant colleague poking me and saying as she went off on maternity leave, "It'll be you next". Maybe I should start saying that to elderly people at funerals - it is just as offensive and inappropriate. Even the other day when I was shattered at work, a colleague suggested I get pregnant and have time off. I pointed out that being tired for one day is very different to the level of tiredness I'd be facing if I did have a baby.
Sorry ladies, but I just don't want a baby yet and by the time I do change my mind, my clock-ticking ovaries might say no.
According to an article in the Daily Mail last week, I'm part of the new and upcoming childless generation. That's right folks, I'm part of Generation Childless. Isn't that label itself just so patronising and insulting towards couples who actively choose not to have a child? Whenever you add the suffix 'less', it means to be lacking in something. Being 'childless' is not the same severity as being say 'homeless'. Childless is such a negative label as to me. If I wanted a baby, I could have one but for now, my partner and I CHOOSE to be childless or, in a want for a more flattering term, we choose to lead a life of riley. The Daily Mail article (read it here) explained how a rising number of childless couples, both through conscious decision or circumstance, are increasingly common. And what is to blame for this rising generation? Positive circumstances that show how us women have finally broken the traditions: female holding strong jobs following higher education; females having greater sexual freedom meaning it can take while before we settle down and growing equality are all to blame for the new 'Generation Childless'. Shouldn't we be celebrating and embracing these opportunities that have put our baby-making on hold?
The article also quoted Jonathan V. Last, who argued that groups of women like me create 'the selfishness of the childless'. He had the nerve to argue that we were a danger to our economic future too, with our 'selfish hedonism' as a childless couple reducing the future numbers of customers and tax payers and consumers. Us selfish, childless couples are also going to be putting strain on the NHS and Social Services in years to come as we won't have our own children to care for us. Truth is, I would never want to be a burden like that to my own child and would not bring in a child into the world for the sole purpose of looking after me when I'm too old to do so myself.
For me, at this very moment in my life, having a child would be the MOST selfish thing I could choose to do. I love my job and want to be at the top for another few years first to ensure I have the money to support a child. There is no way I could work as I work now with child, I choose to work hard now so that I can repay them with my time later. Also, my love of make up, clothes and the gym (all so trivial in the grand scale of motherhood) are all more important to me right now. I love my body and am not ready yet to let it be wrecked by a child. Yes, this might sound heartless, but aren't I being less selfish by choosing not to have a baby whilst I'm in this state of mind? My partner and I live a life of riley- holidays, time together, no financial worries, sex and companionship. That's all I want right now and I should be given a pat on the back for my achievements rather than slated for choosing not to have a baby.
When I was single, I did plan to have a baby on my own through a sperm donor if necessary. It's bizarre really to think that was my mindset a few years ago and how now, a few years later, I can't comprehend having a child. And in all honesty, I think that says a lot about my relationship. I adore my partner and selfishly want him and us alone together for a good few more years before the pitter-patter of tiny feet comes along. The fact that I don't want baby to disturb what I have with him is a greater credit to this wonderful man than having a child with him just yet. He is my priority right now, not a child. Also, he's a father already to two wonderful kiddies. Do I feel threatened by that? Not at all. People say I will feel differently when I have a child of my own but in the meantime, being a step mum gives me a taste of how dedicated you must be as a parent. You do have to sacrifice the time for you alone and time for you as a couple and be completely selfless in your role as a parent. Sorry, but I'm not ready for that yet.
Maybe it's also the fact that I met my partner later and only found my mojo when I hit 30. At 30, I did start a journey of self discovery and living out my bucket list so perhaps I don't feel ready for a child yet because I'm still enjoying the experience of finally being who I am- more to follow on that in a future post.
Is there a risk that I'll forever be a childless woman? Possibly. And who knows how I might feel about that. I could end up kicking myself in a few years time if I do leave it too late and never get to have that identity of being a mum. As far as I'm concerned, once I feel ready for a child, if I am meant to have one, then I will. Until that time though, I'll be enjoying my uninterrupted sleep, cocktails, time to myself and date nights. Far from Generation Childless, I'm in fact Generation Choice.
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